Psalm 34
I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
The young lions lack and suffer hunger,
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Who is the man who desires life,
And loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are on teh righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.
The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.
I know this is a long Psalm, but just a couple days after I found out my cancer had metastasized to my brain, I opened my Bible to the Psalms and this is the one I read. It has brought me much comfort the past 3 weeks or so. I read it over and over and over. It is so powerful. I hope that you can draw strength from it too.
I haven't written here for so long, that I don't know where to begin. My life has been overwhelming the past month. It all started at my regular oncologist checkup at the end of September. I mentioned that I had been feeling some pressure in my head that I'd never felt before, especially when I would be picking up toys and such. My doc ordered an MRI immediately. The day after the MRI I found out that there was cancer all in my brain, basically several "small" tumors. Four are at least an inch and the docs say they're small. I had 15 days of radiation. I have lost basically all my hair. I had my head shaved two days ago. It's kind of a neat feeling, but now EVERYBODY knows I have cancer. I'd been able to "hide" it in public all these 20 months because I never had the "look". I still feel pretty good and I don't stress too much abou the disease. I get up each morning and imagine Jesus standing in front of me with this big cauldron steaming and He's holding out his arms to take my baggage and boil it away. I give it to Him and start each day fresh. I know that's weird imagery, but it works for me. I'm still on steroids and have 4 days left of them. Hopefully I'll be able to rest good soon. I'm not sleeping much because they just affect me that way. My brain just won't shut off and rest. I continually am thinking and making lists in my head. It just drives me bonkers!!
So, what I want to say to all of you. Your prayers for me are not in vain. Continue to pray believing that God will's be done. I feel wrapped in a blanket of love and the prayers are being answered. I am able to do pretty much anything I want to. I have NO PAIN. I can be a Mom and wife. I'm able to care for the needs of my family. I am happy. The only thing wrong is the cancer just keeps going places in my body and won't go away. I guess that's just going to be the burden I have to deal with because God is so awesome and powerful and good to me. I am so blessed in every other way that I can not be angry or sad or anything like that. I have a life to live and a family to raise and God gives me the ability to do that. Your prayers to Him on my behalf are just amazing. I can never thank you enough for loving me and my family. WE ARE SO BLESSED BEYOND OUR DREAMS.
This morning is going to be tough. I had my PET Scan on Monday and the dr's office called Tuesday afternoon and told me to come in today. They wouldn't give the results, so I know it's not good. Jill is still here. She was supposed to leave yesterday, but she's staying thru Saturday.
I will try to post the outcome as soon as I can, but I don't know what my "mental" state may be after this morning. I can only go by the fact that I feel good other than fatigue. I'm not giving up ever...........only God knows my last day on earth.
Hugs to all!
