I saw the oncologist yesterday and there are really no changes in my status at this time. I didn't get the copy of my PET/CT scan while I was there, but she said it was pretty much the same as the last one. Not BAD news, but nothing great. I am happy that there are no new places anywhere, but there's no improvement either. I knew I would eventually get to this point so I'm just a little bummed.
I asked about when I might need surgery. She said that there's no need unless I really want to do it or I'm having pain or problems with the tumor itself. She said there is no proven research in breast cancer that shows at Stage IV (metastatic) that removal of the tumor will benefit getting rid of the cancer altogether. So, surgery for mastectomy is my choice. Right now, my choice is no cutting on my body.
Also, she commented that if the next PET (June 10) shows about the same results, I will be changing my chemotherapy again. Unfortunately, I will go back to infused chemo. But for now, all stays the same.
I still feel wonderful (compared to the past year and longer). I just have to keep the mental battle in perspective and continue to do whatever I can with my diet and exercise to keep the cancer from growing and spreading. Your prayers are a definite blessing in my life as well, so please continue those! :-)
****************************
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (NKJV)
Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls--
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make me walk on my high hills.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Art
This is Gunner's picture of me seeing my doctor tomorrow morning.
On the left is a scale, then the doctor. I'm laying on the hospital bed getting my EKG, which I will have after I see my oncologist.
I thought this was precious, so I scanned it since he drew it for me to give to my doc.
Monday, April 27, 2009
"Pure Gold"
I have been walking several nights a week with our dog Goldie. Sometimes I even get the urge to jog! I thought about making this post a while back and put it off because I didn't want to sit and copy song lyrics.
Anyway, I've been using Jeff's MP3 player (I do not have my own) and one of my favorite songs to walk to is "Pure Gold" by Earth, Wind and Fire from their Illumination CD produced in 2004 (I copied the lyrics from the CD insert as they were written):
PURE GOLD by EARTH, WIND AND FIRE
WALK IN THE LIGHT
THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT
LET YOUR SOUL FEEL THE RIGHT
OF IT'S PURE GOLD
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
BRING SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
WON'T YOU WAKE, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WHERE'S YOUR HEART
WHERE'S YOUR PRIDE
HAS IT ALL BEEN PUSHED ASIDE
LAVISH DREAMS, LIVIN' HIGH
WITH NO SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
IT'S A HARD WORLD I KNOW
SO DON'T GIVE INTO THE LIE'S
OU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STAR
EVERYTHING YOU NEEDS INSIDE YOUR HEART
CHORUS:
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
MANY HEARTS, MANY LIVES
HAVE BEEN TOUCHED
WHEN YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU'RE WORTHY
YOU'RE THE PRIZE
BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAL INSIDE
IT'S A HARD WORLD I KNOW
BUT DON'T GIVE INTO THE LIES
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STAR
EVERYTHING YOU NEEDS
INSIDE YOUR HEART
(SEE YA) ALWAYS ON THE GRIND
(BUT 'CHA) NEED SOME PIECE OF MIND
(WON'T CHA) SLOW DOWN TAKE YOUR TIME
THERE'S A MILLION WAYS TO SHINE
(WHEN YOU) LET THE WORLDLY THANGS
(START TO) CONTROL YOUR DESTINY
(YOU GOTTA) WAKE UP MAKE A CHANGE
AND THEN YOU'LL FIND
YOUR STARS WILL ALIGN, YEAH
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
BRING SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT, WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
I bought the CD in the summer of 2006 because I've always liked Earth, Wind and Fire's music. Right after I got it, Jeff surprised me with tickets to see them in OKC. It was soooo hot that summer and I was pregnant with Brandon.......this was an outdoor concert. We absolutely enjoyed the concert and had a good time. I don't even remember if they performed this song, but I never really listened to the words of this particular track til I started walking a couple months back.
I just wanted to share it with you because I think you can take these lyrics and apply them to yourself in your own way.
I am so blessed to have so many friends who love me enough to pray for me during the battle of my life. Thank you so much!
Anyway, I've been using Jeff's MP3 player (I do not have my own) and one of my favorite songs to walk to is "Pure Gold" by Earth, Wind and Fire from their Illumination CD produced in 2004 (I copied the lyrics from the CD insert as they were written):
PURE GOLD by EARTH, WIND AND FIRE
WALK IN THE LIGHT
THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT
LET YOUR SOUL FEEL THE RIGHT
OF IT'S PURE GOLD
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
BRING SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
WON'T YOU WAKE, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WHERE'S YOUR HEART
WHERE'S YOUR PRIDE
HAS IT ALL BEEN PUSHED ASIDE
LAVISH DREAMS, LIVIN' HIGH
WITH NO SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
IT'S A HARD WORLD I KNOW
SO DON'T GIVE INTO THE LIE'S
OU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STAR
EVERYTHING YOU NEEDS INSIDE YOUR HEART
CHORUS:
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
MANY HEARTS, MANY LIVES
HAVE BEEN TOUCHED
WHEN YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU'RE WORTHY
YOU'RE THE PRIZE
BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAL INSIDE
IT'S A HARD WORLD I KNOW
BUT DON'T GIVE INTO THE LIES
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STAR
EVERYTHING YOU NEEDS
INSIDE YOUR HEART
(SEE YA) ALWAYS ON THE GRIND
(BUT 'CHA) NEED SOME PIECE OF MIND
(WON'T CHA) SLOW DOWN TAKE YOUR TIME
THERE'S A MILLION WAYS TO SHINE
(WHEN YOU) LET THE WORLDLY THANGS
(START TO) CONTROL YOUR DESTINY
(YOU GOTTA) WAKE UP MAKE A CHANGE
AND THEN YOU'LL FIND
YOUR STARS WILL ALIGN, YEAH
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
BRING SUBSTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
WALK IN THE LIGHT, WON'T YOU WAKE UP, WAKE UP
OOH, YOUR LIFE IS SPECIAL
REALLY SPECIAL, YEAH
YOUR TREASURE LYE'S IN YOUR SOUL
TRUTH IN LIFE WILL BLESS YA
(IT WILL BLESS YA)
RICHES COME AND GO
ONLY LOVE IS PURE GOLD
I bought the CD in the summer of 2006 because I've always liked Earth, Wind and Fire's music. Right after I got it, Jeff surprised me with tickets to see them in OKC. It was soooo hot that summer and I was pregnant with Brandon.......this was an outdoor concert. We absolutely enjoyed the concert and had a good time. I don't even remember if they performed this song, but I never really listened to the words of this particular track til I started walking a couple months back.
I just wanted to share it with you because I think you can take these lyrics and apply them to yourself in your own way.
I am so blessed to have so many friends who love me enough to pray for me during the battle of my life. Thank you so much!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Follow-up on "doubt"/upcoming appointments
Wow! I didn't mean for people to think I'm having a terrible time I apologize for how my last post has been received. I was trying to be POSITIVE in showing how I deal with doubt when it tries to creep into my life. I am doing fine people! I just wanted to write to help encourage others who may have doubt in their life.
I was upset when I wrote that post. I had found out that my dad's cousin's wife had passed away. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in January, I believe. I did not know her at all. I know I met her at a couple of family reunions many years ago, but I had been praying for her. I do not know the details of her disease, but I was angry that she was taken by this disease so quickly. My heart is still with their family during this difficult time.
**************
Tomorrow I have my monthly infusion for my bone strengthening drug.
Next week I have my next PET/CT Scan, MUGA scan and EKG. These are all due again for the clinical study I am in. I will also see my oncologist for an appointment as well.
Otherwise, things are going great. I feel wonderful.......even jogged about 3/4 mile the other night (just before writing the "DOUBT" post). Need to do that again. It sure felt good! I don't know if I'm even supposed to be doing that because of the bone cancer, especially in my right leg. I figure if I feel like doing it and it doesn't hurt that I should go for it. Don't know if I'll confess that to the doc next week..........
**************
Have a fabulous day! I'm writing quickly as we're getting ready to have a thunderstorm and I want to log off, plus it's time to get Brandon up so we can pick up Gunner at school.
Blessings to all!
**************
Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
Yes, I will help you.
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
I was upset when I wrote that post. I had found out that my dad's cousin's wife had passed away. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in January, I believe. I did not know her at all. I know I met her at a couple of family reunions many years ago, but I had been praying for her. I do not know the details of her disease, but I was angry that she was taken by this disease so quickly. My heart is still with their family during this difficult time.
**************
Tomorrow I have my monthly infusion for my bone strengthening drug.
Next week I have my next PET/CT Scan, MUGA scan and EKG. These are all due again for the clinical study I am in. I will also see my oncologist for an appointment as well.
Otherwise, things are going great. I feel wonderful.......even jogged about 3/4 mile the other night (just before writing the "DOUBT" post). Need to do that again. It sure felt good! I don't know if I'm even supposed to be doing that because of the bone cancer, especially in my right leg. I figure if I feel like doing it and it doesn't hurt that I should go for it. Don't know if I'll confess that to the doc next week..........
**************
Have a fabulous day! I'm writing quickly as we're getting ready to have a thunderstorm and I want to log off, plus it's time to get Brandon up so we can pick up Gunner at school.
Blessings to all!
**************
Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
Yes, I will help you.
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
DOUBT
DOUBT
A bad word in my book. I've been thinking again. (Oh boy, you say) Jeff was out of town on business for 2 nights earlier this week and rather than sleep, my brain goes haywire thinking about things. I have trouble going to sleep, but once I do, it's all OK til Brandon gets his foot hung in the crib and I have to rescue him! Anyway, on with my actual blog thought that I'm finally getting time to write since I've been thinking......
My little pocket dictionary defines DOUBT:
as a verb:
1 to be uncertain about
2 to lack confidence in: DISTRUST
3 to consider unlikely
as a noun:
1 uncertainty of belief or opinion
2 a condition causing uncertainty, hesitation, or suspense
3 DISTRUST
4 an inclination not to believe or accept
I know that I have doubted lots of things in my life. But I realized this week that when I let doubt creep in, it seems to open the door for negative thinking and in my line of thinking that's letting Satan take control of my thoughts. Not a situation that I like!
I do NOT doubt that my God cares for me always in every situation that I'm in. That's a wonderful feeling to know that the most powerful thing we have is available to us 24/7. All we have to do is pray and lean upon Him. No matter where we are, He is there. The line is NEVER busy. He listens and He answers. We may not get the answers we want, but He always gives us what we need. He knows what is best--we can never, ever doubt that.
We all know the story of doubting Thomas. Thomas was one of Jesus's apostles and he doubted that Jesus was resurrected! We are all capable of saying that we wouldn't have done that in his situation, but yet we doubt things we shouldn't quite often, sometimes more than once a day. I know I have moments.
The last year of my life has taught me to doubt less and less and to focus on Jesus. He is my King! I have tuned in to my faith more than ever and I know it is strong, but it can be stronger. Satan still sits on my shoulder (you know the little devil like in the old cartoons and the angel (Jesus) on the other). Satan doesn't like me now because of what I've learned, experienced and applied. I now know the true power my God has and I am privileged to call upon Him in my time of need. God can win every battle because is all-powerful (remember, Satan is a fallen angel and God created the angels!). I may not win every battle, but I know that God is with me and I have more strength to continue fighting because of that.
So, let's turn to two stories that I draw strength from.
The first, I wrote about last year and is found in Mark 5:21-43. The main story in this text is Jairus' daughter was very ill and died. Jarius believed that Jesus would help him and He raised the little girl saying she was only sleeping. In the midst of this, there was a woman who had been sick with a "flow of blood" for twelve years. She had spent all she had to get better, but was worse. She heard about Jesus and came behind him and touched his garment believing she could be healed. She was immediately healed and Jesus told her that her faith had made her well. She had no doubt that He could heal her.
The second story is also in this book and is found in Mark 10:46-52. There was a blind man who sat begging. He heard that Jesus was near and begain calling to Him to have mercy on him. Jesus asked that he come to Him and the man dropped his cloak and went to Him. Jesus asked, "What do you want Me to do for you?" and the blind man answered that he wanted to receive his sight. Jesus also told this man his faith had made him well. No doubt here either.
Both of these people only knew of Jesus until the time he passed by and they were able to touch him. How marvelous that would be! But even though they had not yet met him, they had no doubt that he would heal them if they could just touch him. We also have the same power available although we can not physically touch Jesus. We know that he cares for each of us. We just have to let go of our pride and let Him take over and help us. It's not up to us -- everything is God's will.
Roman 8:31 (NKJV)
"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
A bad word in my book. I've been thinking again. (Oh boy, you say) Jeff was out of town on business for 2 nights earlier this week and rather than sleep, my brain goes haywire thinking about things. I have trouble going to sleep, but once I do, it's all OK til Brandon gets his foot hung in the crib and I have to rescue him! Anyway, on with my actual blog thought that I'm finally getting time to write since I've been thinking......
My little pocket dictionary defines DOUBT:
as a verb:
1 to be uncertain about
2 to lack confidence in: DISTRUST
3 to consider unlikely
as a noun:
1 uncertainty of belief or opinion
2 a condition causing uncertainty, hesitation, or suspense
3 DISTRUST
4 an inclination not to believe or accept
I know that I have doubted lots of things in my life. But I realized this week that when I let doubt creep in, it seems to open the door for negative thinking and in my line of thinking that's letting Satan take control of my thoughts. Not a situation that I like!
I do NOT doubt that my God cares for me always in every situation that I'm in. That's a wonderful feeling to know that the most powerful thing we have is available to us 24/7. All we have to do is pray and lean upon Him. No matter where we are, He is there. The line is NEVER busy. He listens and He answers. We may not get the answers we want, but He always gives us what we need. He knows what is best--we can never, ever doubt that.
We all know the story of doubting Thomas. Thomas was one of Jesus's apostles and he doubted that Jesus was resurrected! We are all capable of saying that we wouldn't have done that in his situation, but yet we doubt things we shouldn't quite often, sometimes more than once a day. I know I have moments.
The last year of my life has taught me to doubt less and less and to focus on Jesus. He is my King! I have tuned in to my faith more than ever and I know it is strong, but it can be stronger. Satan still sits on my shoulder (you know the little devil like in the old cartoons and the angel (Jesus) on the other). Satan doesn't like me now because of what I've learned, experienced and applied. I now know the true power my God has and I am privileged to call upon Him in my time of need. God can win every battle because is all-powerful (remember, Satan is a fallen angel and God created the angels!). I may not win every battle, but I know that God is with me and I have more strength to continue fighting because of that.
So, let's turn to two stories that I draw strength from.
The first, I wrote about last year and is found in Mark 5:21-43. The main story in this text is Jairus' daughter was very ill and died. Jarius believed that Jesus would help him and He raised the little girl saying she was only sleeping. In the midst of this, there was a woman who had been sick with a "flow of blood" for twelve years. She had spent all she had to get better, but was worse. She heard about Jesus and came behind him and touched his garment believing she could be healed. She was immediately healed and Jesus told her that her faith had made her well. She had no doubt that He could heal her.
The second story is also in this book and is found in Mark 10:46-52. There was a blind man who sat begging. He heard that Jesus was near and begain calling to Him to have mercy on him. Jesus asked that he come to Him and the man dropped his cloak and went to Him. Jesus asked, "What do you want Me to do for you?" and the blind man answered that he wanted to receive his sight. Jesus also told this man his faith had made him well. No doubt here either.
Both of these people only knew of Jesus until the time he passed by and they were able to touch him. How marvelous that would be! But even though they had not yet met him, they had no doubt that he would heal them if they could just touch him. We also have the same power available although we can not physically touch Jesus. We know that he cares for each of us. We just have to let go of our pride and let Him take over and help us. It's not up to us -- everything is God's will.
Roman 8:31 (NKJV)
"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Thursday, April 9, 2009
April 8 Update
Yesterday I went to my oncologist's office. Unfortunately, she was not in so I was not able to speak directly to her about the results of my last PET/CT scan. I did talk to the PA in depth. I have not posted the info from that report until now because I had many questions regarding the results. I had called the office a week or so after the scan and told "no significant changes" by a nurse. That didn't satisfy me, so I went to medical records and got a copy of the report.
Basically, the majority of the changes on the scan showed increased metabolic activity in my cancer spots. There was one new area in my left breast but everything else was unchanged. The mass in my left breast is still not able to be measured because it's so asymmetrical now.
This news is not as great as what I've received in the past, but it's not terrible either. There are no new areas of concern. The PA words were the bone cancer is "smoldering". The breast cancer, well, it's still there. I asked her if she had an idea of where I may be in my journey with my disease. Her response was that I'm probably about 2/3 thru treatment. I'm actually ready for surgery, but I'm not sure where I am in that journey yet either. She said that my next visit I would be able to see the oncologist and talk directly to her about my questions.
I'm due for another PET/CT scan the last week of April, along with an oncologist visit, an EKG and MUGA scan.
For now, treatment continues with no changes. Thanks for your prayers, calls, cards, emails, etc. I continue to apologize for not updating as often as I used to! I'm just staying very busy with the boys (this week is Spring Break for Gunner) and I'm trying to get things organized that I neglected for so long. I don't plan to write again til after the next round of tests. Love you all!
*************
This is a long scripture and it's actually referring to the persecution of Christians, but I believe we can still apply it to ourselves as individuals too. Believe me, I fight the devil every day!! Don't you?
I Peter 5:5-11 (NKJV)
"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for
'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' (Prov. 3:34)
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion for ever and ever. Amen."
Basically, the majority of the changes on the scan showed increased metabolic activity in my cancer spots. There was one new area in my left breast but everything else was unchanged. The mass in my left breast is still not able to be measured because it's so asymmetrical now.
This news is not as great as what I've received in the past, but it's not terrible either. There are no new areas of concern. The PA words were the bone cancer is "smoldering". The breast cancer, well, it's still there. I asked her if she had an idea of where I may be in my journey with my disease. Her response was that I'm probably about 2/3 thru treatment. I'm actually ready for surgery, but I'm not sure where I am in that journey yet either. She said that my next visit I would be able to see the oncologist and talk directly to her about my questions.
I'm due for another PET/CT scan the last week of April, along with an oncologist visit, an EKG and MUGA scan.
For now, treatment continues with no changes. Thanks for your prayers, calls, cards, emails, etc. I continue to apologize for not updating as often as I used to! I'm just staying very busy with the boys (this week is Spring Break for Gunner) and I'm trying to get things organized that I neglected for so long. I don't plan to write again til after the next round of tests. Love you all!
*************
This is a long scripture and it's actually referring to the persecution of Christians, but I believe we can still apply it to ourselves as individuals too. Believe me, I fight the devil every day!! Don't you?
I Peter 5:5-11 (NKJV)
"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for
'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' (Prov. 3:34)
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion for ever and ever. Amen."
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